So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
