I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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