I'll bet she douches with gravy.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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