Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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