wakey wakey hands off snakey
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
