we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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