Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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