2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
did i walk over a car last night?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
