maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
