i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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