kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
