Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize