i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
