dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
