u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
