Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
