We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
