Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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