the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
