then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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