She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
