I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
