I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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