you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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