Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Randomize
