He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize