I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
