I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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