so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
there is glitter all over my balls
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