If that was your dad, he is hot
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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