I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
