Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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