For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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