Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
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Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
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That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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