So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
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I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
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You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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