I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
