this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
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I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
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We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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