bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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