He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
