He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
