pedialite and red bull = repair kit
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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