Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
