She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
