He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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