Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
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If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
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He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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