I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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