I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
