So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
How's work?
Spinning.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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