saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
