I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
