They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
