I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
