Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
