11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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