There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
