My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
